Sunday, April 22, 2012

Crashing

School is finally coming to an end, which means...dun dun dun....finals. Luckily this semester I have only 2 finals, but by no means will they be easy. I have been studying all weekend so my mind and body are doing their lovely routine of crashing to where I hit this wall in which I do not want to study anymore. Not only is my finals week causing me to want to curl into a ball and lay on the floor, but the fact that a group of my friends will be leaving in a few weeks for a trip to Macedonia in which I was supposed to go on...joy.

So where exactly is all of this complaining getting me? Nowhere to be quite honest. By Wednesday I will be in my own bed doing some major recuperating for the rest of the week. God evidently has different plans for me this summer, therefore I need to let go of Macedonia...until next year that is. I am not sure what I will be doing exactly this summer...I wish I could say that I will be going on some amazing adventures, writing some sort of eloquent prose, and devoting the rest of my time to solving world hunger and discovering world peace. In reality I will most likely catch up on some reading (by some I mean a lot), sleep my life away, hopefully finish my painting, and rot my brain with some television shows. Here's to hoping...


Monday, April 2, 2012

And I find myself here on my knees again...

The last three weeks of school have finally reared their heads back in hatred towards all college students...meaning these next three weeks will be filled with final projects, loads of papers, and final exams. I am not writing this though to discuss my disdain of these last few weeks, but rather, the ominous topic of Macedonia.

This past semester has been an overload of stress due to the financial implications that went along with my trip to Macedonia. I didn't know how far I was behind until my group had a meeting and we needed $500 the week we came back from spring break and then another $500 the week after that. I have only $60 to my name right now so I knew that it was time that I called it quits on attempting to gather the funds for this year. It was a difficult decision because I am very close to a lot of the people who get to go on the trip this year and it saddens me to know I will not be able to experience the trip with them.

I am not calling it quits though on going to Macedonia. It is still required for my degree that I go there. So next summer I will be going. I will still be able to walk at my graduation in the spring but I will not get my diploma until August. Pushing back the trip gives me the chance to take a whole year to build the funds needed to go on the trip instead of only 2 months. My stress level has definitely gone down since my decision, but I wish I could still go this year instead of next.

I thought I should just give an update considering this is what I had originally planned my blog to be about. I will still be giving updates on my life and other lovely happenings. I need to end this blog now so  I can go to chemistry.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Dean's list and other life dealings.

I am supposed to be writing an extremely long paper right now on my philosophy of teaching...but I find that short breaks in between paragraphs are necessary. So I shall take this time and share a bit of happenings in my life and some recent thoughts of mine.

Last week I was informed that I had made the Dean's list. This does not come as a huge surprise to me because I spend a lot of time studying, writing papers, doing homework, and slowly going insane thanks to my classes. I work hard for those grades and usually seeing a huge envelope in my mailbox congratulating me on my success usually fills me with a good amount of accomplishment. This time however I found myself thinking and feeling in a different manner. When it comes to grades I put a lot of time into them. So much so I push aside time that I should be spending with friends, family, and most importantly...God. This is where I had an epiphany...if God was my dean (theoretically He is) would I make it on His Dean's list?  I mean sure I spend an hour every night skyping with my boyfriend and doing our devotions together but is that enough?? I pray and believe in God but I don't think that I would be receiving a big envelope from God congratulating me on that.

So what am I supposed to do with this epiphany of mine? Push all studying and homework aside (which would be sooo nice) and focus solely on God? I do not think that God would want me to do that per-say and my parents would not be too pleased with that decision...but there are times where I could be focusing more of my time on Him. Like on my study breaks when I am stalking people on Facebook (which will be deleted soon thanks to all of the ring by spring people who make me want to vomit). Another area of my life that could be less focused on and more focused on Him would be my addiction to Youtube and Hulu.  This is not the easiest of tasks for me to undertake but my reward in the end will be so much better than receiving an envelope in the mail from the dean because of my grades. I would prefer to spend eternal life in heaven any day over any amount of congratulatory letters. Sorry IWU.

I also have some big news that will be addressed in a future blog over what God has been doing in my life...mainly where He has been leading me. I am not going to lie but it is quite scary. On that note...I have three more pages to write and a lot more sources to find.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." (Psalm 62:1-2)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Letting go...

Lately there has been so much going on in my life I just have not had the time to sit down and breathe. The introvert in me just wants to sit in my room for the next month and read as many books as I can get my hands on. But considering I am a college student, there is no time for that. School, family, and my Macedonia trip weigh heavily upon my mind and heart. So many times these past few months I have just wanted to fall into pieces because of everything that has been going on. Up until a few days ago I did not recognize that I was letting fear and worry control my every move. Thanks to friends and family who I can rely on, I know I will be able to get through these next few months. It is hard to let go of everything and be willing to give it all to God. In my hardest of times I know he is there to hold me up and keep me going. My creator knows what he is doing and I just need to let him take control of my life. I just need to constantly remind myself...
Also, I am still working on the support letters. Hopefully they will be sent out soon.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Learning my A, B, C's all over again and support.

The Cyrillic Alphabet
So for the trip, we were asked to to learn the Cyrillic alphabet. It is beyond difficult to get motivation on a break to use any of my mind at this point. It is even more difficult for my brain to want to learn a third language. It is horrible to say that Macedonian sounds like a bunch of gibberish right now. Just to give you an idea of what I am learning here is the alphabet...
Lovely isn't it? Just an fyi, the letters do not match up to their sounds perfectly. So while my boyfriend sat and read Harry Potter, I took the chance and memorized the 31 different letters in about 2 hours. Go me. This feat was accomplished by making flashcards and sounding out each letter out loud like a crazy person. Now I am on to learning phrases and listening to the language/ watching Disney movies with Macedonian instead of English thanks to Youtube.
Support
I have paid the beginning amount of $250 that was required before I left school for break. That means I still have a lot to go. I have asked for all of my Christmas presents to be money so that I can put it straight to Macedonia and I still am working to put money towards my trip. I am still behind though and having a family in missions, I do not have the proper funds to reach my goal. In order for me to reach my goal, I will be sending out letters to ask for support. If you do not receive a letter and you would be willing to help, please email or Facebook me. It would mean so much to me. 
Other than that I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope that you have a blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

TO MACEDONIA!

So I am creating this lovely blog for two reasons. Number 1: Jennie, I can officially follow you. Number 2: I am going to Macedonia in May for six weeks and I want to be able to show my family and friends what I am doing while I am there. I am going to be teaching in Skopje (the capital of Macedonia) and I want to bring you all along for the journey. My first step in getting there is to pay a lovely sum of money. For this trip I need to have *insert gulp here* $5,000. On my own I have put in around $600. Once I get on break from school I will be sending out letters asking for support because as a college student at a private and expensive school; I will not be able to do this on my own. Up until my initial leaving/arrival/stay in Macedonia, I will use this blog to keep an update on my life and all the workings of this trip. So here goes nothing.